Steve Kroll, Towson University graduate of Electronic media and film, vocalist of voyage in coma, music enthusiast, opinionated anti-hero
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road (via harlequinwolves)
I’m sitting outside on my lunch break. This week were doing shop inventory since there are no jobs till this weekend. Its pretty mind numbing. The good thong about it is my boss is forcing me to learn every aspect of running the warehouse and computer system. The down side is my friend is getting upset that I’m doing his job while he’s doing stuff that part timers do. He hasn’t been at the shop for like five days so my boss needed somebody to take care of his duties. I really can’t help that. The other side of having too much down time is the amountof time I have to think about other aspects of my life I’d like to keep at home. I’ve been kinda sad and down. Not even angry…just sad. I invested too much of my emotions and feelings. I laid all my cards out onto the table when I should have folded. I don’t really use the poker metaphor too much but I guess I gambled with thinking there was more to this than confusion and lust. Sometimes I sit in bed staring at the wall wanting to cry like a young version of myself would. A version of myself who use to feel sorry for himself. I don’t have time to be depressed. I worked half a day yesterday cuz waking up that morning was hard and I couldnt sleep Sunday night. This is a broken heart but once youve had it happen several times. Its easy to pull through and even easier to find things and people to replace the emptiness left in the wake of the person you truly long to be with. I have to write these words to rationalize and make it seem better. It will get better.I come from a proud people who never stop fighting even after defeat.I will find what I’m looking for. Maybe not on the road this summer. Maybe not this year but I am not defeated. I know there is still a place in your heart that I have won even if you are willing to admit it. They all wake up one day and realize the moment when they truly lost me. I am not a ghost and I do not settle for second best.